So by now, if you have been keeping up with my blogs, you will know that this year is all about relationship lessons and growth for me. My guidance has not been wrong; already I have observed a number of challenging situations and reoccurring patterns.
Interestingly these have not always directly affected me but I have seen through my daughter’s experiences with friendships and this has triggered me by bringing up old childhood stuff of my own.
This led me to sit down with my journal recently and work my way through the years noting and observing any challenging friendships or experiences, and it was interesting just how far back I was able to go into my childhood and just how many little experiences and situations with friends had made such an impact.
It was also interesting to observe my role throughout the years, particularly through primary and high school, and how I didn’t really take an active role in how these relationships played out….the positive and the negative experiences…even as I recalled and remembered times I had thought long forgotten.
I noticed that I was seemingly an observer, even in my own life. Friendships would come and go, I would move between the groups or ‘cliques’ even throughout high school but I was never really part of or attached to any one person or group.
In trying to identify what the lesson here was and maybe what lead me to take an observer role rather than be able to truly connect with others, I wondered if two family moves at crucial points in my childhood may have played a part. Moving to Sydney from Adelaide at age 7, starting Year 3 and then moving back to Adelaide at 15 to begin my senior high school journey in Year 10. This was probably the most challenging time as by Year 10, everyone has found their ‘tribe’ and the cliques have formed, it was hard to break into a fully developed friendship scene.
But in looking beyond those moves, it was hard not to ignore that a common theme throughout my life with relationships was ‘connection’, as in a lack of connection, holding people at arm’s length and not fully investing into any kind of friendship or relationship. And when I did connect, fully invest and open my heart up to another it often ended with me being utterly heartbroken, lost and driven into darkness.
So was it a lack of trust and faith in connection with others that stopped me for having open positive healthy relationships?
Was this actually a lack of trust and faith in myself?
Was I projecting this onto others?
If there is something I am learning on this spiritual journey, it is that what we see in others is a mirror reflection of what we see in ourselves. Therefore somewhere along the way I had lost connection with myself and I had lost trust and faith in myself which led me to experience that in my relationships with others.
Remembering that our thoughts and energy mirrors our intention, which creates our experiences.
Here I was at 43 years old and I have only just come to realise that I have been blaming everyone else and blaming life for giving me a raw deal, yet it was with me all along. I alone had the power to change my experiences and my relationships, by only taking responsibility for my own actions and thoughts. I needed to forgive myself and re-establish connection to my inner self. Then with this connection and forgiveness I can compassionately have faith in my connections with others.
It was shortly after this realisation that my eye was drawn to a book on my shelf that I’ve had for a couple of years but never really read it completely or got right into it. This book is “Spirit Junkie” by Gabrielle Bernstein, one of my favourite spiritual teachers/mentors, as I picked I up I noticed there was still a bookmark in it from when I had last tried to read it.
When I turned to the page it was titled ‘Spot Check Your Ego’ and it asked the questions…
“Did I deny love, and how?”
“Did I attack, and whom?”
“Was I fearful? What was I fearful of?”
The full chapter was talking about the role of the ego in taking you out of love and into fear and these questions were in relation to ego projections, your belief in the ego and allowing your ego to control you out of fear. Straight away I knew the answer was right in front of me, when I look at these questions in reference to the relationships I was examining over my life; I could see that I was denying love out of fear. And I was ‘attacking’ by closing off my heart and holding people at arm’s length or building a story in my mind about the person who hurt me and holding them to blame for everything in my life.
As Gabby goes on to explain further in that chapter, it is important not to judge yourself for these projections as we have all been doing the best we can with the tools that we have. Fear can drive people further into pain and suffering which causes them to lash out at others, we are all fighting a battle that cannot be seen. Compassion and understanding are the tools needed here, compassion for ourselves and others. Often by perceiving this as fear created by the ego rather than your true self can bring some immediate peace.
The first step is awareness of these projections!
So if you struggle with relationships in your own life, you may like to ask yourself the same questions, what are the patterns you can see? Is there a lack of trust in others? Do you believe you are worthy of great relationships? Is the way another person makes you feel, how you feel about yourself?
Once you have awareness of the feeling or the core issue, then I suggest you sit in meditation and go within to connect with your inner self.
Sit or lay comfortably, begin by breathing in and out deeply a couple of times and allow your body to soften. Become aware of your heart centre and breathe into this space, maybe envisioning a warm pink light filling your heart and chest area. Breathe slowly here for as long as you need to feel calm and centred, then in your mind repeat “I allow my inner guide to lead me to what is real”, repeat this silently for as long as you need to feel it embody your heart.
Connecting with your inner self and the feeling of self-trust will enable you to begin to detach from the ego’s fear based control. This will be ongoing work and you will need to commit to always bringing your ego, fear, projections to light and I suggest getting your hands on a copy of Spirit Junkie to dive further into these lessons. Gabby Bernstein is an incredible powerful spiritual teacher and her books are easy to read with practical tools-lessons for you to work through on your own.
The synchronicity of finding this book on my shelf and the lesson I was working through was not lost of me and I dived straight into reading Spirit Junkie cover to cover and the teachings and lessons resonated so clearly with me for this stage on my path.
We are always learning and growing, even though I work in the healing field, my learning and growing will never be complete. Life is one big lesson and when you choose to approach any negative or challenging situation from this perspective, it doesn’t seem so difficult and your appreciation and love of self will continue to grow and expand.
You might feel that it is a little challenging tackling this on your own or you might like help to find a starting point on your self-awareness journey, so if this is you, feel free to get in touch with me and discuss working one on one together.
Over this coming month practice observing your ego projections, where you are denying love in your life or attacking others and allow yourself space to breathe it through, and use the statement below as your mantra-affirmation.
You will be surprised how quickly you can come back to love from fear and how this flows into all areas of your life!
Love and light,
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