I had a big aha moment a few days ago.
For the last couple of weeks, near where I get off the bus, there is a man who sits with a sign “Smile – it’s free” and the first few times I saw him, and his sign, I inwardly groaned and almost went around rather than have to pass by or pretended I was on my phone, anything rather than have to smile at him.
I am not sure why but I just couldn’t warm up to this idea to engage with a smile.
However a few days ago I was feeling happy so when I passed by him I smiled broadly and he smiled back and said “Have a great day today” and I replied with “and you too” and I walked on feeling my heart full and a big smile on my face.
Then it hit me I realised why I struggled with this instruction to “Smile” previously as it felt like I was being told what to do, whenever I feel like there is a push from someone to do or say something I tend to get defensive, my back goes up and I rebel against it.
I realised that this has come from years of people pleasing which led into a belief that others told me what to do and that to led to a feeling of being controlled by my relationships, both personally and professionally.
It was like a lightbulb went off over my head as suddenly it all made sense and I understood that I was in control the whole time. I had let those relationships define me and control me which led to me feeling like I was carrying a tonne of blame, resentment and anger over my life.
Yet it was me that held the key all along, I alone had the power but I forgot to use it. I got caught in the victim mentality and played the internal story ‘poor me….this always happens to me’ yet here in this moment I was struck with the realisation that I had been my own worst enemy.
I say this without any criticism or judgement but with great compassion for myself, I realise that I had spent my life taking the more difficult path rather than standing up and taking responsibility for myself and my actions.
It was like something released inside of me as I made this connection and it felt liberating.
I realised I had the ability to take ownership of my thoughts and actions and needed to spend more time doing the things I want to do and that make me feel good. I am not powerless in the face of struggles or challenges, I can control my thoughts, who I spend time with and what I put my time into.
I am not a victim.
I need to connect into what makes me feel powerful, what comes naturally to me and what makes me feel free. Then connect those into all areas of my life and amplify them.
I need to remind myself of my personal power and my talents, rather than getting bogged down in doing what I should do, do what makes me feel most joyful or find a way to make what I am doing more joyful.
It is finding the power within me to speak my mind while still allowing myself to be vulnerable, it is sharing more with others, revealing my true self, as I bring myself closer to the life I want to live. It is time to step into my strength and spend time doing what I enjoy, be more direct and open in my interactions and share my truth.
As I write this I feel a sense of freedom as I realise I had been holding myself captive for far too long and this opportunity to change perspective and walk the path of least resistance has brought the freedom that I have been longing for.
I was drawn to share this with you as I feel it is an easy trap that we fall into, this thinking that we are stuck or powerless, constrained by a lack of ‘choices’. Whereas we need to realise that we are making choices every moment of every day and that by being more present, more conscious of where we put our thoughts, our energy, our time, we can make a far better life for ourselves.
Be honest with yourself right now, are you making choices based on other people, what you think other’s want of you or what you ‘should’ do?
Over the next month try taking ownership of your thoughts, your life and begin to make choices that bring you joy, that are in your highest good. Watch what happens when you start to get in the flow of life, the ease and joy that is created and the wonderful new people and opportunities that are manifested.
Stop getting in your own way and making life feel hard or a chore, allow yourself to step forward from within and let the real you shine. Let others see the real you and trust that when you do what makes you feel joy, it attracts more joy to you!
This month your affirmation is “It is safe for me to express my true self and my power within, as I follow my heart with joy”.
Use this affirmation to support you and as a reminder that it is safe for you to be open and vulnerable.
Sending you love and light,
